Thursday, March 13, 2014

things I think about at breakfast

I would like to have been in the room during the branding and marketing meeting for this new wheat/barley/soy breakfast cereal. I imagine it went something like:

"Well, it's ready for production. We need a catchy name though. Yes, Smidley?"

"We should call it Healthy Nuggets. They look like little rocks, but they are good for you."

"Hmm. Has potential. Doesn't sound great tasting though. And nuggets is too countryfied. It doesn't play well in focus groups."

"Hey, how about nuts instead of nuggets? It's shorter and catchier. Still crunchy, and healthy but not too hicksville."

"Yes. Nuts, I like it!"

"OK, so it's Health Nuts! hahahahaha." (General amusement around table)

"Haha, yes, funny, but no. We need to add something that makes it sound tasty as well as healthy. People like the idea of healthy but we all know that what they really buy into is tasty."

"OK, so maybe something sweet? But still healthy. Like fruit."

"Yes, brilliant, some kind of fruit."

(Tentative hand raised from college intern in corner.) "Uuuumm but there is no fruit in it? Um, or nuts? Isn't that kind of, you know, misleading?"

(Silence in room. Significant looks.)

"Go get us all some coffee, would ya, kid?" (Door shuts behind intern. General amusement erupts.)

"OK, back to making money. Gimme a fruit that sounds catchy with nuts."

"Apples! Apple Nuts!"

"That's got potential."


"No, too tropical."

"Raisins? That's safe."

"No no no, they would expect to see actual raisins in there. It's no good. What else?"

"Well, what about grapes? They are sweet. Nonthreatening. They sound healthy but they taste really great. Everyone likes them. And no one would expect to have actual grapes in the box."

(Head nodding, general agreement.)

"Yes, Smidley?"

"And it kinda rhymes with great! Like you'd say Grape Nuts but what you'd really be thinking is GREAT Nuts!"

(Glancing at watch.) "Sold."


  1. Awesome.

    Man, I haven't had Grape Nuts in years. They're delicious, but if you don't let them soften a bit, they'll break your teeth. :) And yeah, the name is rather perplexing. I like your scenario.

    1. Oh, yes, I routinely let them soak in milk about ten minutes before I attempt to eat them. Despite the puzzling name, I do love them.

  2. You and I are the only people on the planet that I know personally who will admit that they like Grape Nuts. Happy almost spring, room. :-)

    1. Traci, haha. We were meant to be bosom friends from the very beginning. *clinking spoons*

  3. Have you tried the new Grape-Nuts Cranberry Vanilla? They're pretty good, too, and don't require soaking! ;)

    1. Grandma G, are there actually cranberries and vanilla in them? haha. Nope I haven't tried it! Not sure I want to adulterate my pure Grape-Nuts experience. It's just so perfect as it is.

    2. "lightly crunchy nuggets, granola, cranberries (dried, of course), puffed barley and a touch of natural vanilla flavor"

      They're actually pretty different than the original Grape-Nuts.

  4. LOL. That brings me back. My nana used to eat that cereal every day!

  5. I've always wondered where they got their name! I do love grape nuts gives your jaw such a workout. :)

  6. That was so fun, I love your style.


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