Saturday, February 6, 2021

I love you, Dad






It still does not seem real, but my Dad passed away January 29. He was injured in a fall and ill for a couple of months, and for the last half of January he was hospitalized. I was very lucky to be able to travel to him and spend many hours with him at the hospital, despite COVID restrictions. (My Dad was not able to use his hands very well at that point, and because of understaffing I was allowed to come every day to help him eat and drink.) One of my sisters is also a nurse at the hospital, so I shared those hours with her and another sister who were also his caregivers at various times. I will be forever grateful for those days with him, because none of us anticipated losing him so soon. He passed away peacefully, surrounded by loved ones.

These are some of my favorite photos from his memorial service, and one from a Christmas before I let my hair color match my dad's. I can strongly see the face of my youngest daughter in his adorable grumpy school photo. I'm sure little overalled Bill Lewis (called Lebo by his family) would have much rather been running in the woods with his dog, Rook, than having his hair slicked down for picture day.

My grief is so weird. I'm fine a lot of the time. At peace. And then random memories or objects will make me break down in sobs. His eyeglasses. Stepping inside his RV. Discovering he carefully kept a birthday card I drew for him in 1987. It feels as though there were two strong ropes which tie me to where I belong and who I am, and one of them has been cut.

It's been a very difficult couple of months for my whole family, but I know that God, who so richly answered our prayers all through January, will carry us all through in the coming days. I'm resting in Him and slowly getting back to my every day life and to do list.

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

13 comments:

  1. so very glad you were able to be with him at this time of covid - so many have not been able to do that - you will cherish those last weeks spent with him

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  2. What a gift to be able to be with your dad in his last days. My you be filled with the Peace that passes all understanding.

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  3. May God give you peace and comfort in your time of grief. So sorry for your loss.

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  4. So sorry for your loss. I have been in hosp just for the past week with no visitors only phone contact. He must have appreciated your company very much and i had many prayers answered myself. My thots and prayers are with you and your family. Jesus is with us.

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  5. My heart goes out to you and at the same time breaks for your loss. May God give you peace and shelter you and your family under his wings. ((Hugs))

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  6. When darkness veils His lovely face,
    I rest on His unchanging grace;
    In every high and stormy gale,
    My anchor holds within the veil.

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  7. Beautiful dear Larissa.
    You were an angel to be with him last January. I know that honor, I have been taking care of mom and dad since 2013, and since 2016, mom went to Heaven and now I am caring for daddy. It has changed my life so completely, sometimes it is stressful, doc appointments med refills, checking on his food supply. He is 97 and just the silliest guy ever. When go to him, almost every day, but with covid I go to him about three four times a week. he has been healthy, amazingly. I miss my mom. I know that feeling of content, but also sheer longing, crushing sadness. I suppose we can be fortunate, lucky and blessed that we had our parents, and our kids knew them.
    Life is precious. I am so glad I found you, I wish I could hug you. You know you never really come to peace with all of it, bc they were ours. I am thankful to God that we were given such gems as parents. Just simple wonderful good brilliant people.
    Love you

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  8. I'm so sorry for your loss. He was so handsome, I'm so glad you got to spend some time with him and moments before he passed.

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  9. Sorry to hear you lost a loved one, especially one so close. I lost my Dad in 1995 & I still miss him and certain things make me think of him. He was given less than a year but he lost his battle in less than 2 months. We are so blessed to have great parents. May God comfort you and your family

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  10. Thank you for sharing this; your description of grief really touched me. I had a lot of similar reaction to my mom's belongings after she died and they can be such a doorway to memories. Bless you and your family.

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  11. Such a beautiful post. I find it difficult to articulate the words that capture such delicate feelings, but I could feel the love you have for your dad in what you wrote. What a blessing you are to one another. Family is the best. Sending love to you.

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  12. So sorry about the loss of your father. God Bless him, you and your family.

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  13. My father had a great resemblance to Dean Martin, handsome ;)))

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